Toast Post: Puppy Fight Club

I am Toast. This is my post.

Welcome to Puppy Fight Club!

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The first rule of Puppy Fight Club is: you do not talk about Puppy Fight Club.

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The second rule of Puppy Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Puppy Fight Club.

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The third rule of Puppy Fight Club is: someone barks “stop!”, goes limp, taps out or tee-tees on the rug, the fight is over.

The forth rule of Puppy Fight Club is: only two puppies to a fight.

The fifth rule of Puppy Fight Club is: One fight at a time – I’m talking to you, Fluffer Wolf!

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The sixth rule of Puppy Fight Club is: no shirts, no collars, no felines!

The seventh rule of Puppy Fight Club is: fights will go as long as they have to.

And the eight and final rule: if this is your first time at Puppy Fight Club, you have to fight… Oh, and pay the house – that is me, ToastMaster General – a three greenie admittance fee.

Okay, practice fight! Go!

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Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.

It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything! Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.

Dixie Chicken! Do not let his size intimidate you – you are faster and much smarter than the Fluffer Wolf – don’t be afraid to hurt him!

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This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.

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Puppy Fight Club can make Toast a very rich Toast. I just need  a proper business plan.

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Things to do:

– Charge membership to Puppy Flight Club

– Make Puppy Fight Club attendance required of all Toasters

– Roll out Puppy Fight Club to other cities

– Contact Vince McMahon about possible WWE tie-in

– Get rich

– Obtain much bling

– Buy winter house in Florida (community must not allow fluffer wolves)

– Learn to play shuffleboard

– Write a book about my exploits and sell to Hollywood

I have much to do.

That is all.

toastpaw

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J.D. Barker is the internationally best-selling author of FORSAKEN, a finalist for the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a First Novel, and winner of the New Apple Medalist Award. His work has been compared to Stephen King, Dean Koontz, and Thomas Harris. His latest novel, THE FOURTH MONKEY, released in June 2017. His third novel, THE FIFTH TO DIE, releases June 2018. He has been asked by the Stoker family to coauthor the forthcoming prequel to DRACULA due out in fall 2018. His novels have been translated into numerous languages and optioned for both film and television. Barker currently resides in Pennsylvania with his wife, Dayna, and their two dogs, both of whom sit outside his office door daily, eagerly awaiting his next novel.

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