Toast Post: It’s My Blanket


I am Toast. This is my post.

My mommy recently pulled me aside to discuss my need to chew on blankets.

I do not apologize for my behavior.

Frankly, she should be thrilled that I choose to chew on my own blanket rather than furniture or shoes like my colleagues. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the shelves of neatly arranged shoes in that cave you call a closet, Mommy. Perhaps I’ll wander in there some random night and help myself to a nice pair of strappy sandals; they look rather tasty. Or a pair of boots – I could make a day of it. Don’t think I won’t. The only thing holding me back is my respect for your personal property. I only ask for the same respect.

It’s my blanket, I can chew it if I want to. And please, for the love of Lassie, stop replacing my blankets when I finally get the proper number of holes in them (963 for those of you unaware of Einstein’s Blanket Hole Theorem). I’m a small Toast working with a limited number of teeth, at my age it’s not as easy as it used to be and I don’t appreciate your interference.

That is all.


J.D. Barker is the internationally best-selling author of FORSAKEN, a finalist for the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a First Novel, and winner of the New Apple Medalist Award. His work has been compared to Stephen King, Dean Koontz, and Thomas Harris. His latest novel, THE FOURTH MONKEY, released in June 2017. His third novel, THE FIFTH TO DIE, releases June 2018. He has been asked by the Stoker family to coauthor the forthcoming prequel to DRACULA due out in fall 2018. His novels have been translated into numerous languages and optioned for both film and television. Barker currently resides in Pennsylvania with his wife, Dayna, and their two dogs, both of whom sit outside his office door daily, eagerly awaiting his next novel.

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